Safe Subconscious Response Patterns

The solo search is necessary for someone whose chameleon pattern since birth was to follow. It’s a subconscious pattern of following others, join a group, to try to fit in even when I suspect I don’t, or at least feel like I don’t. The pattern weaves through my entire life, in all my relationships. Is... Continue Reading →

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Heirlooms of Illusion

Do I write to keep myself company, make a record for memories that fade and distort with time, or to have a conversation with myself in hopes I can find solutions to my problems? Do I just ramble on and download some thoughts since there’s no one to talk to? Are memories just heirlooms of illusion? A... Continue Reading →

Praise The Great Whatever

Grateful for whatever few days in the house I have alone, but if it lasts too long I get into fear and worry about money. I was reminded to practice my mantra, More than I need is already here and I have enough to share. The last month helped me break past an internal barrier of not wanting... Continue Reading →

Imagine Being Human

After only one week of posts I don’t want to abandon the blog completely. I’ve been going through my days, but boring myself. No point in boring others. The idea is being human; let it flow without obligation. Sometimes a flow is suspended or interrupted, diverted for whatever reasons. I won’t force myself into a... Continue Reading →

Change Wallow to WE

I took action to get enough information to feel better about a change in direction. Fortunately my real estate advisor is a good friend with a vital professional and financial angle. Complete honesty is easy without feeling embarrassed. She could hear in my voice I don’t sound like myself and I admitted I have been in... Continue Reading →

Pioneer Tears

My first visit to the Rogler Ranch I was eleven years old on a beloved drive in the Flint Hills alone with Dad. He began to slow along Highway 177 in front of the immaculate, white house right before a bridge near the bluff. It had huge two-story colonial columns and a gorgeous, well-kept stone... Continue Reading →

WHAT in the WORLD am I doing!?

Why am I indoors on a gorgeously sunny spring Saturday? I could be hiking the Tallgrass Prairie but instead I am vacuuming the 1894 wood plank library sub-floor of an historic old house. WHY? I enjoy the mindlessness of the work and a special feeling of being a tiny part of the restoration of a grand... Continue Reading →

Jump

I cleared my calendar for another escape, diversion and distraction. I needed to pull me out of my isolation and loneliness so I planned a trip to Kansas City to connect with other practitioners and friends. Almost as soon as I committed to the trip I didn’t want to go. It was not resistance, it... Continue Reading →

Shining Light On The Darkness

Thank God for the lovely outpouring of birthday wishes on Thursday. I was still in a depressive funk, but I continued to go through the motions of celebrating in every way The Universe provided. I watched the negativity in my thoughts and allowed them to play out long enough to realize it is nothing I... Continue Reading →

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