Out of The Muck

I edited and posted Walk The Talk I Give Others. It was 1388 words that I whittled down to 900. Still long, but has two parts. The first is principles of healing and the second is my personal practices after two big triggers last week. Editing goes faster when I do it quickly and take a break before another run through. Breaks give me the fresh angle where different stuff jumps out that needs to be cut or condensed. I repeat myself and use different phrases for the same concept. From stream of consciousness Morning Pages I need to rearrange or combine paragraphs.

I got a nice surprise in the mail from Japan, birthday cards and a cool note pad. I guess they forgot my birthday isn’t till March, but at least they remembered. Maybe The Universe is telling me to start celebrating early. I turn 64 chronologically in the human system of timekeeping. For three years I functioned like I was 94, now I function younger than I did at 54. I wonder how eternal and endless I really am. It’s hard to imagine when I feel packed tightly into my Point of Contact. I need to recall that message every day, but how soon I forget.

I need to practice more positive states, the way I tell my clients. I don’t do it much better than them. I’m way behind in my Happy Journal. My repetitive thoughts about last year have mostly been the stuff around Mother’s death and conflicts with siblings. All the wonderful times I had with my Japanese family coming to America were happy gifts in the middle of the muck. My automatic process goes to the muck and I forget to practice the fun stuff.

I could create an electronic happy journal. It has limitations of not being available when I am away from the computer, but there is much I could add. The hardbound journal is so packed with photos, cards and mementos that it bulges. I could just use it for longhand stuff, but I don’t do that much anymore. In my 2002 journal I wrote how longhand frustrated me. I was ready to shift to electronic because I couldn’t get a fraction of my thoughts and emotions down in longhand from stream of consciousness. That’s also impossible typing, but I get a lot more than I would in longhand. Plus, if I decide to use it otherwise, I don’t have to transcribe it.

It’s snowing and blowing and more is expected all day. I ran errands yesterday and my car resumed the hesitation the mechanics and I have been chasing. I’ve had it in the shop twice before and it never did it when they had it. I took it in for a mechanic to drive and it faintly did it a couple times, but enough that he noticed. It feels like tires spinning on ice, but it’s not. Mainly I need to quit spinning my own wheels, stop hesitating on start up from a stop, just like my car. That’s the metaphor for how I am working on my book. There is no definable pattern, but my car runs more regularly than I work on the book. — © Copyright B. Grace Jones 2014 All Rights Reserved.

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