I see new levels of internal landscape.

I laid in bed a long time this morning with some resistance to come to the page, I knew I would get here eventually, because write is what I do. It’s how I get clarity on what rattles around in my head.

I edited yesterday’s post five times before I felt comfortable putting it up and walked away about 6:00 p.m. It has been three years in the making and I knew it was time. Once it was public, even though I did not promote it on any social media, I spent half an hour tapping and clearing away some big emotional triggers. I didn’t feel them while I was writing; I just kept doing the work. But I knew once I put it out there it’s out there, and I’m not taking it down. I won’t censor myself.

Of course anything can change. I noticed how in 2001 I kept declaring certain beliefs and then I kept changing them. We change reality tunnels more often than we admit or even notice.

I didn’t sleep well. I slept, but woke up a few times in the night. Got back to sleep until about 5:30 then mostly snuggled into the covers and resisted writing any more pages to post publicly. I know I will. I see it as part of the process of going public with my book when it is done. Secrets I used to tell only in 12-step circles are going to be published.

I’m glad I don’t have clients today. My stomach feels strange, I feel groggy and resistant to being here. I get it, the symptoms my mind/body is creating totally fit the emotions, but I even resist tapping right now. It’s okay. I can just be with whatever and when I’m ready to let it go, I know how.

I had no idea where the whole glasses thing was going to take me. What a trip! I see that I have begun to release my perfectionism on total abstinence of wearing glasses. I wore my computer glasses when I was working on the last draft of yesterday’s post. It was time to get it done. I observed that I still didn’t like wearing them but it was a necessary tool for the task. When I was done, off they came, gratefully.

It was a habit to wear glasses all the time. Many people don’t, but I have the desire to see perfectly, more than perfectly 20/15. I laughed when I told my [FasterEFT] practitioner that 20/20 wasn’t good enough, because when Dr. Blanchard fit me in contacts I could see 20/15 and loved it. I never had that with glasses.

So this 56-year habit is shifting my world as I let it go. I notice sometimes when I put the book down after bedtime reading, I reach up to take off my glasses and they are not there. When I pull my shirt over my head I start to adjust the angle so it won’t pull my glasses off, but they are not there.

I know I don’t have to abstain completely from wearing glasses in order to heal my vision. If others were wearing glasses and then suddenly noticed they could not see through them, that can happen to me too. Or it can happen a different way. It doesn’t matter how. It was a good exercise for me to start the first week cold turkey, but I can let go of my rigid perfectionism in that area too. I’m finding my way to clear vision. I am grateful for clear vision. I have clear vision. Tap, tap, tap. Blah, blah, blah, I’m tired of writing about this vision thing.

© B. Grace Jones 2014 All Rights Reserved.

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